The Pro
When someone asks me a question that begins with “What do guys (or girls) really want...,” I like to preface my answer with the reminder that we’re all different. What one guy might want won’t necessarily be what another guy wants, whether it’s his preferred sex talk or how he likes to receive oral sex. That’s why it’s essential that lovers communicate and try to find out what their particular partners like.
That said, I suggest you begin by being yourself. Isn’t it so much more fun when it’s genuine anyway? If you discover that your guy would like you to sound like a porn star, what if you don’t want to be a porn star? It’s best to start out saying what comes naturally. And if you can't find the words within yourself, I always suggest to women that they begin by describing what’s going on and what feels good. For example, you might say something like, “I love how you’re licking my (fill in the blank) ...” or “it feels so good having you (fill in the blank)...” Talk to him, urge him on. And then watch for signs. See what seems to turn him on. What seems to get him more excited? Let your sex talk evolve from what you’re really feeling and what he seems to connect with.
Also, don’t worry about running out of things to say. Once you find the words and statements that seem to get him excited, you don’t need to worry about finding new ones. Men and women aren’t all that different that way. We tend to have certain sex acts and words and visuals that are triggers for us, and these are the tapes we run over and over in our minds when we want to get off. These are our personal “sex scripts.” Find his “script,” and you’ll get to know exactly what he wants to hear.
Being a good lover requires sensitivity, paying attention to your lover, and watching for clues as to what’s turning him or her on. Then you can always talk over morning coffee about how much fun you had the night before and ask him what he liked and didn’t like. Whether it’s straight talk or dirty talk, knowing each other takes time, sensitivity and communication.
The Joe
I thought all you women knew that honest and open communication was key to a healthy relationship, sexual or otherwise. Does Cosmo teach you nothing?
Here’s a thought: Try asking the man you intend to marry about this. If your husband-to-be is like 99.99% of the male population, you probably complain that he doesn’t communicate enough. Well, this is something he’ll be more than happy to talk about... for hours... and on more than one occasion. Trust me; this discussion won’t end up with you in tears and him slamming doors. It doesn’t involve his feelings. It doesn’t involve his crappy childhood and alcoholic father. For once, you’ll be asking about something he hasn’t been actively repressing since his freshman year of college. You’d be amazed at how attentive and open men become when sex is involved.
Since I can’t offer a definitive answer to your question, that’s your best bet. Despite what you may have read in the supermarket checkout line, not all guys will have the same reaction when it comes to filthy nothings being whispered (or, more appropriately, screamed) in their ears. Moaning “Who's a dirty little boy?” might be a huge turn-on for your man, but just as easily, he might find it incredibly creepy. I know I would. My mother used to call me her “little boy.” If you look up “cures for the common boner,” evoking thoughts of Mom is right up there with “Is it in yet?” or “I think we should start a family.” The only way to know for sure is to ask.
The fact that you’re making the effort to figure this out before you get married indicates your sex life won’t fizzle as soon as you say “I do.” Your fiancé is a lucky man.
That being said, you can never go wrong with: “Yes. We can try anal tonight.”
Good luck.